Jorge & Julio

Julio - 4 years old

As many of you read in my email update, we received two new boys into the children's home this week. They arrived on Wednesday afternoon and are settling into life at New Hope as we speak. Anytime you disturb an existing system, there is bound to be disruption so the Little Boys Room has been readjusting and incorporating Jorge and Julio into their family group. The two brothers have an obviously close relationship and I've enjoyed standing back and watching Jorge protect, guide and play with his younger brother.

Jorge - 10 years old

Yesterday I had a chance to sit and talk with the two house mothers who watch after the little boys at the home. We talked a bit about Jorge and Julio's background and their observation of how quickly both of the boys could switch from a playful spirit into a violent and aggressive attitude. We started talking about learned behaviors and collectively tried to imagine what these two young boys have learned by living in a home where violence and addictive behaviors were far more prevalent than verbal communication. We talked about the importance of teaching and modeling alternative ways of handling frustration, fear and anger - the importance of using words to express emotions rather than lashing out at those around you as they saw their relatives do for years.

I have a dear friend who I met in graduate school who introduced the idea of "default settings" to me. Default settings are essentially the ways of being that we learn from our families and early life experiences, for better or worse. These ways of thinking, acting and feeling are essentially programmed into us and while we are capable of making changes to our default settings, we are prone to revert back to the default settings in times of stress and frustration. I love this idea of default settings because I have found it to be quite true in my life and the lives of those around me.

It has provided me with a helpful framework for thinking about the radical changes that the kids at New Hope go through when they leave one type of environment - whether it be life alone on the streets, living in violent and addiction ridden homes, or watching a parent suffer from physical illness and eventually pass away - and try to adapt to a new environment at the children's home. There are a lot of default behaviors that are challenged and a lot of expectations that are intended to become the new settings. I'd say the primary battle we fight in our work here is against the old default settings that rear their ugly heads for reasons we often don't understand. My, how difficult it is to change our settings - but the good news is that it can be done. That's the hope we each have for the future.

Here are a few fun pictures of several of the boys who have welcomed Jorge and Julio into their family group. They have my heart completely captured!!

Jhon, Moises, Jorge, Julio and Luis piled on Jorge's new bed

Guillermo, Jorge, Julio and Luis, putting on a show for the camera!