Breaking the news

Ever since Tony was accepted in the University of Edinburgh to begin the pursuit of his PhD in philosophy, we've been caught in a very complex web of emotions. We have spent the past several years praying about our future direction, and this spring we prayed fervently for wisdom in what to do. Tony's acceptance into Edinburgh was a surprise because his application was late, reference letters were lost in the mail, and the program seemed a bit out of our reach to begin with. When we received the news about his acceptance, it was a strong confirmation that God was opening the doors for us to head down that path. The considerations that have gone into this decision making process are too many to detail here, but by the middle of June we were confident enough to make our final decision to head to Scotland this fall.

There are many difficult aspects of leaving, but the one I was dreading the most was breaking the news to the kids and our wonderful staff that we were leaving. I would cry just thinking about telling them and couldn't imagine how we would actually be able to get the words out. I wanted to hide from that part of this decision. When the day came to tell our staff that we were leaving, I wanted to send Tony down to the meeting and stay locked up in my office. I sat through the meeting and my lip started to tremble as soon as Tony started to transition the conversation over to our announcement. I cried, as did many others, but I felt relieved when it was over.

Then, we had to tell the kids. We decided to go room by room and talk to the kids about our departure. I was determined not to cry in attempt to be strong for the kids, but that plan failed as soon as I saw one of the girls start to cry. I was a mess all afternoon and I had never been so ready to lay down in bed as I was that night - every ounce of my emotional strength was gone. But the next day, I woke up so relieved to have the weight of that announcement lifted from our shoulders. We were ready to jump in and fully enjoy the last 3 1/2 weeks we have at the home.

I know that my feelings of guilt aren't reasonable or deserved; I know that the Lord is leading us and we are confident in the steps we're taking. Yet, I feel so guilty for leaving these kids after pouring our love into them for the past year. The deepest wound these children have is the abandonment by those who claimed to love them, so to walk away from these dear ones inevitably feels painful and laden with guilt.

But from there, I marvel at two things. I cannot fathom the level of desperation and hopelessness that these children's parents must have felt to be able to walk away, leaving their babies alone on buses, park benches, and alleyways. I am shocked by the power of sin that enabled parents to abuse and sell their children off as domestic servants. But most of all, I'm amazed by God's goodness to use his people to care for the people in this world who have been pushed aside. I'm amazed that children who've been so wounded by this world have the capacity to love and be loved again, and I feel privileged to have been given the opportunity to love and be loved by each one of them. God truly does bring beauty out of ashes.

So little time...

Each day as we climb into bed I have been taking a mental inventory of the significant things have happened that day, trying to lock them away in my memory because there seems to be so little time to blog, journal or write these days. I have so much I want to share here on the blog, but our recent pace of life has kept that from happening. Tony's parents and one of his younger brothers arrived in Arequipa last Thursday and the 10 days since then have been full to say the least. We've also been in the midst of many changes and mixed emotions and I can tell you that part of me has been putting off posting anything here because sitting and writing rightfully pauses the whirlwind around me and lets my emotions surface, emotions that are currently being held just below the surface throughout the day (with occasional bursts of tears breaking through!). But I do promise to share a bit more in these coming weeks.

A few highlights for me this week have been: planning the Quinciniera (15th birthday party - a BIG deal in Latin America) for 3 of our girls in the home, celebrating the start of 2 weeks vacation from school with the kids, hosting my cousin Jenn and her boyfriend Fernando for a couple of days here, reflecting on the last year with Tony's parents while they've been here, and truly enjoying the moments we've had to play with the kids. A lot of special moments have come and gone and I will write more and share some pictures later this week.

Yo-Yo fun with Tony!

Just a few fun pictures from last week of some of the boys hanging out up in our office...

Tony teaching some yo-yo tricks to Guillermo and Julio

Tony and Julio with their yo-yo's
(the sticker on Julio's forehead was his prize for a good day at school!)

Jorge loving on Davy

Jorge and Julio (brothers) hanging on Davy

4th of July!!

Wishing all of you a happy 4th of July, wheverever you may be! We're planning to spend the evening with a group of American friends we've become connected with over the year. I just made my first ever potato salad to add to the spread of traditional American food for the party and am also contributing my mothers infamous pink jello salad, with a small Peruvian twist!

We're so thankful for our home country and the many rights and privileges that are upheld for the citizens by the government. Nothing has made us appreciate the US government, its faults and criticisms included, than living in a country where those same rights and privileges are only a distant dream for most of its citizens. We're proud, and thankful, to be Americans. Happy 4th!

The Guest

Lucia came to New Hope in 2007 as a 13-year-old girl. She had been living alone with her father for 3 years, ever since her mother died of cancer. Her father struggled to make enough money to support the two of them so he would often keep Lucia home from school and send her to the streets to beg for money or sell candies on the sidewalks. When the police showed up and arrested her father one afternoon, Lucia was left by herself in the house where she stayed for 3 days until her neighbors came to help her. She was brought to New Hope and has been a part of our family ever since.

Not too long ago we had a group of girls from the children's home over to our house for a pizza party and movie night. After eating dinner, Tony took a group of the girls up to the roof where they could see the stars and the city lights. As the rest of the girls started to go back downstairs, Lucia pulled Tony aside.

"Did you know that I've been in your neighborhood before? When I was living with my dad, he used to drop me off here and send me door to door, asking for money and food. The first time I came to your house I couldn't believe it - I had knocked on the door of this same house before, begging. And now I get to come in and eat dinner here. I'm the guest!"

Ever since Tony told me that story I've been thinking about all of the implications tied up in that for her, and for us as human beings in our relationship with God. Lucia was filled with shame, knocking on doors and asking for handouts, searching for something to fulfill her needs. Now she's been brought into our family and she has free access to the goodness and safety of our home. She's celebrated and appreciated. She can partake of the good things offered to her - she no longer begs for leftovers.

I see myself, all of humankind, reflected in that story. Broken souls, separated from the loving goodness we were intended to have in God's original design. Searching to meet the need for love and a sense of wholeness, we so often go knocking on the doors of this world, asking for love, validation and value. Like beggars , we go searching for something to make us feel whole, and then we learn of God's love, the truth of who we are intended to be. We have the choice to accept that love, to become welcome guests in his kingdom, to partake of the good things he bestows upon us. And our sense of shame and unworthiness is wiped away - we get to walk into his presence, we are his guests, his beloved children.

How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!
1 John 3:1